How To Apply PACE Parenting for Positive Discipline at Home

Bedtime battles, public meltdowns, and that hollow feeling after you lose your temper — parenting often tests your patience and your bond with your child, making many parents search for effective parenting tips. What if you could set clear limits, mend ruptures, and help your child calm their feelings without punishment? 

PACE Parenting offers a relationship-focused approach built on playfulness, acceptance, curiosity, and empathy, with tools such as attunement, reflective listening, and gentle boundaries that support discipline while strengthening attachment, connection, emotional safety, and regulation at home.

To support that work at home, My Coloring Pages offers 20,473+ free coloring pages that help you practice PACE Parenting techniques through shared play, calming activities, and simple chances to reconnect after conflict.

Summary

• Shifting from punishment to a PACE stance reduces conflict and protects attachment, with approximately 70% of parents reporting improved child behavior after implementing PACE techniques.  
• Consistent micro-skill practice changes interaction patterns, as 90% of caregivers reported reductions in behavioral issues after six months of PACE practice.  
• Adopting PACE strengthens parent-child connection: more than 80% of parents report feeling more connected to their children after using the approach.  
• Short, low-friction rituals can quickly reset escalation, with child-led activities and custom coloring sessions able to turn tense exchanges into play in under two minutes.  
• Deliberate rehearsal speeds results, with noticeable shifts expected within 2 to 4 weeks when three micro-skills are practiced at least five times per week.  
• Persistent myths and default reactive tactics steer caregivers away from soothing, for example, 50% of parents believe picking up a crying baby will spoil them, and 30% incorrectly attribute fever to teething.  
• This is where My Coloring Pages fits in, 20,473+ free coloring pages address the need for low-friction, child-led activities that let parents pivot from lectures to brief shared play in under two minutes.

What Is PACE Parenting and Why Is It Even More Important Now?

PACE is a simple, deliberate stance: Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, Empathy. When you shift from punishment and quick fixes to those four moves together, you reduce conflict, shame, and avoidance and protect the things that really matter—emotional regulation, secure attachment, and long-term parent-child trust.

Why does reactive discipline usually make things worse?

Reactive responses punish behavior without identifying the underlying feeling, so the child learns to hide, deflect, or escalate. This pattern appears across homes and classrooms: a timeout or lecture might stop a tantrum in the moment, but it often leaves the child feeling judged and the parent feeling unheard. Over weeks, that builds an invisible ledger of shame and mistrust, and both parties end up policing one another instead of repairing the connection.

How do the four elements work together in everyday moments?

Playfulness opens the door, acceptance keeps it open, curiosity maps what’s happening inside, and empathy closes the distance. Use a light tone to invite cooperation rather than demand it; name the feeling without blaming; offer a wondering question that invites reflection; then sit with the child’s distress so they do not feel alone. These moves are not formulaic steps; they are a stance you carry into small moments—a spilled cup, a missed bedtime, a burst of anger—so the child learns that mistakes shift the behavior, not the bond.

What can parents expect when they make the shift?

You should expect gradual, measurable change in everyday interactions: fewer blowups, faster recoveries, and more honest conversations about hard feelings. According to Meadows Psychology Service, approximately 70% of parents reported an improvement in their child's behavior after implementing PACE parenting techniques, which aligns with my observation that naming emotions before consequences are enforced often improves behavior. After parents consistently choose curiosity over accusation, defiance often softens into explanation, and discipline becomes a teaching moment rather than a battleground.

Why use coloring as the vehicle for PACE?

Most parents default to lectures or consequence lists because those options are familiar and require no new tools. That familiarity works at first, but it also creates friction: the conversation gets stuck, the child withdraws, and opportunities to reconnect vanish. Solutions like platforms with 20,473+ printable coloring pages and a simple customization tool provide a low-friction bridge back to connection, letting parents offer child-led choices, curiosity prompts, and shared rituals in under five minutes while producing keepsakes that reinforce learning. In practice, a quick, custom coloring session can move a tense exchange into one where playfulness and curiosity are possible again, cutting the time spent arguing and increasing moments of calm.

What does lasting success look like?

It looks like parents who report a deeper connection and children who can name emotions without shame. That outcome is reflected in parent feedback: according to Meadows Psychology Service, more than 80% of parents feel more connected to their children after adopting PACE parenting strategies. In real family life, that means fewer nightly power struggles, more shared laughter at the end of a hard day, and simple artifacts—colorings, notes, books—that remind both parent and child that the relationship holds even when behavior does not. Think of it as stitching a rip in a favorite sweater, with every small, empathic interaction sewing the fibers closer together.

This change is practical, not mystical; it trades battles for predictable repair, and it gives parents tools that scale from five-minute responses to long-term trust building.

But the surprising tensions and assumptions people bring to this approach are what make the real challenges hard to see next.

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Common Myths About Parenting That PACE Challenges

Those three assumptions are common and corrosive: that strict rules are the only way to control behavior, that misbehavior equals manipulation, and that parenting is primarily about fixing problems rather than naming feelings. Each one narrows how you respond, turning everyday moments into tests rather than chances to connect, and that narrowing is why PACE works as an alternative stance.

What makes strict rules backfire?

This pattern appears across homes and relationships, where the familiar approach is to pile on rules because they are quick and feel fair. The hidden cost is predictable: rules create an atmosphere where family members tiptoe, compliance replaces cooperation, and resentment builds. Consider a tightly wound spring, every command another turn; it holds for a while, then snaps into a bigger fight. When adults rely on control to get order, children learn to hide their confusion or to push harder until the parent loses patience.

Are kids really being manipulative when they misbehave?

No, and that misunderstanding breaks trust. Assuming manipulation frames a child as the opponent rather than as someone signaling an unmet need. The effect shows up in small, recurring ways: nagging becomes power struggles, calm conversations become lectures, and the child learns that honesty about feelings leads to punishment rather than repair. This is exactly why blaming intent often escalates behavior instead of resolving it.

Does focusing on fixing problems miss what matters?

Yes, because addressing surface behavior without addressing the underlying feelings only treats symptoms. Pattern recognition across classrooms and family work shows that when adults rush to solutions, children feel unheard and withdraw, which entrenches the very behaviors parents want to stop. That withdrawal is what turns a single incident into a chronic dynamic, in which both parties begin policing one another.

Why do parents choose these approaches?

Most parents pick rules, quick fixes, or blame because they work in the short term and require less emotional labor. They are understandable defaults. But when rules multiply, consistency frays, and daily friction increases, the cost shows up as more time spent arguing and less time feeling connected.

How can a simple activity change that dynamic?

Most parents manage tense moments with lectures or consequences because those responses are familiar, and familiarity reduces immediate discomfort. As these tactics accumulate, they fragment interactions and leave emotional needs unmet. Solutions like My Coloring Pages offer a concrete bridge, providing customizable, child-led activities that replace a five-minute lecture with a brief shared ritual, giving parents an immediate, low-friction way to invite play and conversation while reducing escalation.

What about common myths that shape responses to distress?

Some beliefs steer parents away from connection, even when the instinct to comfort is strong. For example, the Journal of Child Psychology reports that 50% of parents believe that picking up a crying baby will spoil them, a belief that encourages ignoring distress rather than soothing it. Similarly, Pediatric Health Journal reports that 30% of parents believe teething causes fever, which is the kind of misattribution that leads adults to treat behavior as mechanical rather than emotional. Those myths quietly shape day-to-day responses, steering caregivers toward avoidance or incorrect fixes.

When parents swap a testy lecture for a short, shared activity, what actually changes?

The immediate change is practical: lower arousal, a reset in tone, and a chance to name feelings without judgment. Over repeated uses, this builds a different habit loop, one where curiosity and acceptance come before consequence. That shift reduces the frequency and intensity of blowups because the child learns that expressing emotion leads to connection, not punishment.

That’s the problem, and it’s the starting point for the alternative.  

But the real reason this keeps happening goes deeper than most people realize.

How PACE Parenting Works in Practice

PACE gives you a clear, practical way to turn power struggles into connection by using Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, and Empathy as immediate scripts you can try in the moment; below, I show the exact adult responses that escalate and the PACEful alternatives that usually calm things down and open a path to repair. Practicing these short shifts shifts the interaction from correction or dismissal to problem-solving and co-regulation. The examples that follow are the ones I ask parents to rehearse at home.

What does Playfulness sound like in a meltdown?

Context: Alex is refusing to engage, crawling under tables, scribbling, and poking holes through his worksheet while saying he can’t do it, he hates you, the work, and the school. 

Typical responses might look like: “Alex. Come here. Stop that now. That's no way to treat your work. You'll have to start over, which will waste your time. If you don’t get it finished before break you’ll have to stay in and do it.” 

A Playful PACEful response: “Oh my goodness, look at that worksheet, Alex, it looks like a little mouse has nibbled right through it. I hope he's not going to eat my secret sweetie stash too. Are you ok Alex? You look really sad and upset. Why don't you come over to the comfy corner and we'll see what we can do - we're a pretty good team when we work together.” 

The playfulness does two things: it matches energy and reduces threat, enabling you to move to curiosity and help.

How do you offer genuine Acceptance without validating harm?

Context: Same Alex scene. Typical adult pushes back with quick reassurance or correction: “That’s not true, Alex. You’re not rubbish. Your work is great.” 

Acceptance as a PACEful move sounds different; it names the feeling without fixing it: “Oh Alex, you’re right, work can sometimes be really difficult, and it's so rubbish when we feel like we can't do something. It's horrible when you feel rubbish at something. 

Sometimes I feel rubbish at things, too, and when I can't do something, I get angry with everything and just want to scream. It's a really awful feeling.” That admission keeps you alongside the child rather than above them.

When should you use Curiosity to find the hidden reason?

Context: Mr Oliver has prepared an activity for Rachel using her favourite book. She looks at it and says, “I’m not doing that, it looks crap!” 

Typical adult reactions: “Don’t be so rude Rachel, I have spent ages making you that,” or “Why did you say that.” 

A Curious PACEful response asks instead for information and possible reasons: “Can you try to help me understand, you usually really enjoy this kind of activity...what’s different today? I’m wondering if you’re finding it hard to sit down and do your work...maybe you have something on your mind...is that right? 

I sometimes find it difficult to switch off from things too...it can be hard to focus on anything else when you’re worried or upset or unsure about something.” Notice how curiosity assumes competence and invites cooperation rather than demanding it.

How do you show Empathy that invites repair and problem-solving?

Context: Jenny asks to play on the trim-trail and is refused; she yells, “that’s so unfair, I hate you, you’re horrible!!!!” Typical adult replies try to correct the insult: “Jenny, don’t be so rude. That is not a nice way to talk to me.” or “I am not horrible and you don’t hate me.” 

Empathic PACEful responses instead match feeling and offer containment: “OH WOW YOU’RE FEELING REALLY ANGRY....you think I’m being mean by not letting you go on the trim trail when you really want to go...I’m saying no and you really want to go and that feels rubbish...it’s so frustrating when someone says we can’t do something that we want to do.” 

Followed by: “I’m really sorry you feel that I hate you Jenny, that must feel awful...no wonder you’re so angry and upset if you think I hate you...I’d want to scream and shout too...but sometimes that makes things worse.” 

Then move to collaborative problem solving: “It’s rubbish that we can’t do the things we enjoy right now...I’m missing the trim trail too...I wonder if other people in the class are missing the trim trail...maybe we could all have a think about what other games we could play safely...you could help us to make a list.” Empathy acknowledges the felt experience, models language, and creates a bridge to solutions.

How does PACE handle repetitive homework refusals?

Context: Peter refuses homework, hides under the table, draws on it, and says he can’t do it and hates the work, the school, and you. Typical responses might be threats or moralizing: ‘If you don’t do your homework, you can’t watch TV later,’ or ‘That’s not a nice way to speak about me or the school.’ 

PACEful variants are short and targeted: Playful: ‘Wow! Look at that homework! It looks like a dog has tried to have it for dinner! Do you feel okay, Peter? You seem quite upset. Let’s put our heads together and see if we can figure this out together.’ Accepting: ‘It can be really difficult when you feel like you can’t do something. Its not nice when you feel rubbish, but it’s okay to feel like that. I’m sorry that you feel like you hate the work and your school.’ 

Curious: ‘You usually enjoy doing your homework. I wonder what has changed today? Is there something else that is making this tricky? I wonder if you are feeling quite tired today. Do you think that is what’s upsetting you?’ 

Empathic: ‘You seem to be really upset and frustrated right now. Is that right? I know how that feels, especially when you don’t want to do something. Why don’t we work through these feelings together?’ These short turns build a ladder from emotional first aid to practical support.

What about activities that fall flat even when you plan well?

Context: Lucy’s caregiver prepares a favorite-colors art activity, but Lucy rejects it as boring. Common reactions focus on the adult’s effort: ‘That’s a really rude thing to say, Lucy,’ or ‘I spent a long time making you that.’ 

A combined PACEful reply leans into curiosity and acceptance: ‘You usually really enjoy this kind of activity, I’m wondering if you can help me understand what is different today? You seem to be having difficulty settling down. 

Maybe you have something on your mind? I sometimes find it difficult to relax and switch off. It can be hard to get excited about something when you are worried or upset or tired.’ That response preserves the relationship and opens a space to adapt the plan.

Why the usual quick-fixes create more work, and how tools can change that

Most parents default to commands, reassurances, or rewards because they are quick and familiar, which makes sense when you are juggling schedules and other children. Over time, that pattern fragments the relationship and turns teachable moments into repeated battles, so emotional literacy and scaffolding never develop. 

Platforms like 20,473+ free coloring pages provide a low-friction alternative, letting caregivers create themed or emotion-focused coloring pages in seconds to invite play, model feeling words, and tailor difficulty for the child; parents find that a simple, co-created coloring task often re-routes an escalating episode into a short, shared activity that repairs connection and teaches coping without extra preparation.

Practice, not perfection, is the point: rehearse the one-line PACE scripts you can deliver when you are tired, notice which moves calm versus fuel escalation, and plan simple, low-effort activities to bring the child back into the relationship rather than into compliance.

Make custom coloring pages and coloring books with our app. My Coloring Pages lets you create custom, printable coloring pages in seconds and browse 20,473+ Free Coloring Pages to find themes that match your child’s mood or interests.

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Strategies to Start Practicing PACE Today

Start small and repeat the same four moves until they become automatic: invite low-pressure play, slow down to accept the feeling, wonder aloud without pressure, and reflect the emotion with gentle empathy. Use a short, daily routine of three one-minute moments to practice each move, then expand to longer interactions when the child is ready.

How do I build this into a normal day so it actually happens?

Pick three predictable moments, for example, breakfast, the walk to school, and bedtime, and assign one PACE move to each slot for a week. 

Keep each cue tiny: a one-line playful remark at breakfast, one curious wonder during the walk, and one empathic reflection at bedtime. This constraint-based approach works because small, repeated wins replace the temptation to wait for a big, perfect moment. 

Over time, those micro-routines create emotional stamina, which tracks with what pacing training does in other fields; according to Strava Stories, "Practicing pacing can lead to a 15% increase in endurance." Steady practice builds lasting capacity rather than one-off bursts.

What does playfulness look like when time and patience are low?

Treat playfulness as a low-demand invitation, not a performance. Use silly voices, exaggerated faces, or a one-step game that shifts focus without shaming, such as a two-second race to stack three cups or inventing a single nonsense word that signals a quick reset. Pick your moment: if a child is very upset, pause the play and use a softer move first. This approach protects trust because playful bids succeed only when the child feels seen and safe.

How do I show acceptance without rewarding harmful actions?

Slow the moment down. Name the feeling, keep your posture neutral, and clearly and calmly hold the boundary. Say the child’s feeling out loud, then state the limit and offer a small alternative action. For example, acknowledge distress, then suggest an immediate, safe outlet, such as stomping in place or choosing a calm-down card. That combination tells the child their inner world matters while the outer rule stays intact.

How do I invite curiosity that actually uncovers the trigger?

Use wonder, not interrogation. Replace: Why did you do that? with short, open speculation, such as, What might have made that feel important? Or I am wondering if something else was going on. If the child won’t answer, offer an option: we can talk now, or you can show me with a drawing. This pattern quietly shifts the purpose of the exchange from blame to information-gathering, reducing defensiveness and revealing triggers over time.

How do I show empathy so kids feel less alone?

Match energy and mirror language. Sit nearby, soften your tone for low affect, raise it slightly for big feelings, and use concrete naming: You look really fed up right now, is that right? Offer a physical anchor if appropriate, like a hand on the shoulder or a shared chair, and model a short personal admission, for example, I get irritated when I am hungry too. Those moves say you are emotionally present without fixing or minimizing their experience.

What step-by-step routine should I follow in a tricky moment?

1. Pause for one breath to avoid triggering the alarm system.  
2. Offer a playful, low-demand invitation if the child is calm; otherwise, proceed to step three.  
3. Slow and accept: name the feeling in one line and stay physically close.  
4. Wonder: offer a harmless hypothesis and give a choice for how to respond.  
5. Empathize: reflect the feeling and offer a small co-created coping plan.  

Repeat this routine across multiple small instances until it feels natural, then apply it when the stakes rise. This phased, repeatable plan reduces adult burnout by replacing long lectures with short, targeted moves that rebuild connection.

What common mistake should I watch for, and what breaks when it happens?

The typical failure point is trying to fix the behaviour before securing the child emotionally. That shortcut sometimes works, but it fails predictably when the child is exhausted or stressed. The better trade-off is to prioritize a brief emotional connection first, even if it feels slower, because it reduces future escalations and saves adult time overall.

A clear analogy to help you remember

Think of PACE like learning to pace on a long run, not sprinting. You cannot sprint every mile and expect the race to end well. Practiced pacing produces consistent gains, which mirrors why many parents see better co-regulation when they make small, steady changes; Strava Stories, "80% of runners who practice pacing improve their race times." (2024) illustrates how repetition and restraint create measurable improvement in performance, and the same principle applies to emotional regulation at home.

This pattern is simple to start and stubborn in payoff, but it needs structure to stick

Most caregivers lean on quick directives because they are familiar and fast. That approach often fragments as demands accumulate, leaving parents exhausted and children resistant. When you adopt short, repeatable PACE routines, the friction point shifts: moments that used to explode now resolve faster because trust and predictability have been built in small increments.

That unresolved, human piece—what we do when connection already feels fragile—matters most, and it is surprisingly practical to change. 

But the next challenge is harder than you think: how do you turn one playful moment into a whole day of creative connection?

Spark Connection With Your Child Through Creative Play

Parenting is easier when you build a connection first. With My Coloring Pages, you can practice the Playfulness, Curiosity, and Empathy principles of PACE by creating activities that let your child express themselves while you engage alongside them. Turn your child’s stories, favorite animals, or imaginative ideas into custom coloring pages — giving you shared moments that reinforce trust, emotional safety, and fun learning.

Choose from 20,000+ free pages or design your own, and make screen-free time a daily opportunity to practice connection, communication, and emotional understanding.

Download My Coloring Pages and start creating playful, meaningful moments with your child today.

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